Sooo YAYYYY TO NOT BEING SICK ANYMORE! I really dont like feeling like poop, its probably the worst thing ever for someone like me, who loves to be loud and energetic. But all is well... i still have a little cough but for the most part, im allls better. :]
Its been a week since my last blog, and i must say much has happened. Ok, let me re-word that, not much has actually "happened"... but my eyes have been opened to a lot.
Right now, i am pretty much in the middle of a whole lot of mess... and its been hurting me on a level i didnt understand for almost months now, but i had this revelation, really, that God does have it all under control. The God is doing so many things around. That when i think to worry, to lay it at His feet, because that is the best place to lay all my worries and problems...
I have been pretty stressed out about what my next move would be. Im done with school, i had my graduation ceremony, i even got chosen to be a speaker at the ceremony itself, and yet i felt like i was going no where. I've been so over-worked up over what i was going to do, where i was going to do it, WAS I GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO IT in the first place... to sum it up, i was under-estimating ME. I realized that not only was i under-estimating myself, but i was under-estimating my God, my Lord, my Savior----which is RIDICULOUS!
I KNOW that God has big plans for me... that even if my own brain is telling me that im not good enough for this, or good enough for that, that this person wont pull through, that this person isnt behind me... it doesnt even amount to how much GOD is there with me. That what is meant to be mine WILL BE MINE. And i just need to spend more time with God, to pray more, to LISTEN more, to OBEY more. If i just follow what He says, and trust in HIS plans... it'll all work out more beautifully than i ever even imagined myself. Because of THAT, im so excited to get started.
Ultimately--i want to move to NYC for a few years, get some experience, build a resume, learn from the best, and then hopefully, with the Lord's strength, one day be able to not work UNDER these people, but BESIDE these people. I eventually want to move to LA, and settle down there. I want to raise my family in sunny CA. People are nicer, things aren't as busy and crazy, and the educational system there is amazing. Not to mention, some of the coolest styles and musicians are in LA. These things have been revealed to me over time, and were revealed to me when i PRAYED about it. I kept telling myself that im not good enough to do these big things, but it wont just be me-- bc God does bigger and better things than this, and He will help me persevere. and in THAT i do trust. THAT i do KNOW and BELIEVE.
Soo many people are behind me, so many people believe in me... now damnit, I just need to believe in myself...
Ive been humble this entire ride.... now i must be both humble, but be confident. And by golly-- I AM ONE STRONG ASS CHICK. I might be little, i might be goofy, i might be a huge dork, but i am hella-tough. I just need to re-focus my badassness into my career and all the things that God has for me... I need to not sit back and wait for it to come to me, but go after it with all my heart and all my God given strength.
So in the next few weeks, i will be doing some big things. I will be getting ready and practicing for my state boards. I will be setting up interviews in NYC and Philly even. I will be searching and listening to God for a mission opportunity. I will be getting up and standing strong with my God, and going after the things that i want to happen. Strength doesn't come from outside one's self, but from WITHIN one's self. And i have a whole lot of strength from the Holy Spirit. And THAT kind of strength cannot be penetrated.
What would i do without my Jesus??
NOTHING. I could not do anything.
Well i could do some things... but, poop, i know they wouldn't amount to anything truly good.
:]
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